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I know it just brings back too much pain for you. There is nobody on here that will probably ever read this and I know you wont either. I miss you every day and still love you. Its been 2 years since I died inside. All I wanted to do is teach ourselves a lesson about each other. That completely backfired in my face in ways that I can never fix.. nobody can.. What is done is done and all I can do now is try and deal with it everyday. You think after all this time and living with someone and having a that I would stop thinking about you and fall out of love with you. I haven't and I don't think I ever will. I wish I could bring myself to be a real asshole and kick her out and be with you, but things got even more complicated since we last spoke. I wasn't trying to play you or hurt you, I never wanted that for you! Your not a selfish person and either am I. She was again and I don't want to be the asshole dad to my someday. I don't want them growing up without their father with them and even if that means I gotta live like this the rest of my life without you, with this pain from not seeing you and trying everyday to get you out of my head and when I think I do.. something reminds me of us and the passion we had for each other. Someone speaks your name and I just get so pissed off at myself and I wanna just break down.. We were destine to be together and I fucked that all up now.I have to be here and make sure these are taken care of and have a stable home to live in and grow up in. I cant let them fall into some kind of government assistance program. They have a father that cares deeply for them is capable of taking care of them. I hope someday when we are all a little older something happens where we return back to each other and pick up where we left off. I still dream of us holding hands together siting on a at our house.. maybe someday when my are older and I can explain myself to them so they understand and they don't get hurt. I know if they are anything like me they would just want me to be happy like I want for my mom and dad. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I just hope that you know I love you, I always did, and always will. I will be there for you always when u are in crisis just like I have always been. I know you will never read this, and if for some reason you do don't reply it will hurt to hear your voice knowing I cant hold you. Just know that you ARE the love of my life and I would be with you if I could!!
will be in attendance to make sure I am safe (and having a balling time!) He is straight and will not join in or be taking any pics he just wants me to have fun and be fu-cked silly.